Q: Whats green and smells of pork?
A: Kermits finger!
##
Q: Where does Saddam Husane keep his C.D's?
A: In "a-rack".
##
Q: Why don't blind people like to skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog
##
Q: What's the difference between a hog and a man?
A: A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can fuck a pig.
##
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot. 
##
Q: What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a sweater for Christmas?
A: G-unit (gee you knit?)
##
Q: Why did the rubber fly across the room?
A: It got pissed off.
##
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have a summer Olympic team?
A: All their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.
##
Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's Day.
##
Q: Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A: Because their pecker is on their head. 
##
Q: what arr they gonna do to Micheal Jackson when he dies?
A: Burn his plastic body down and turn him into little toys so kids can play with HIM for a change!!!
##
Q: How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?
A: With a squeegee
##
Q: What color are Kurt Cobain's eyes?
A: Blue. One blew this way and one blew that way
##
Q: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
A: Buckshot
##
Q: What has more brains? Kurt Cobain or the wall behind him
A: Courtney Love 
##
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
##
Q: Did you hear about the basketball player with leprosy?
A: He was all over the court.
##
Q: What do you say when you see your T.V floating at night?
A: Drop it niggar.
##
Q: How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A: Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.
##
Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A: Give it a nipple. 
##
My wife told me to tease here. So, I said "Alright then fatty!"
##
Q: What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A: Goes-in-tight!
##
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
##
Q: Why is Santa so jolly all the time?
A: He knows where all the bad girls live.
##
Q: When is an elf not an elf?
A: When he's got his head up a fairies skirt...then he's a goblin. 
##
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
##
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: Aftera few years your job will still suck.
##
Q: What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, opponent, Blowjob?
A: Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs ,opponent, but you can't beat a blowjob.
##
Q: How is air alot like sex?
A: Its no big deal unless your not getting any.
##
Q: What do u do with a years worth of used condoms?
A: Melt it down,turn it into a tire and call it a goodyear! 
##
Q: What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
A: Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup.
##
Q: Why don't aliens eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
##
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
##
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
A: el-if-i-no.
##
Two muffins in the microwave, one of them says: "Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!!!!" 
##
Q: There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
A: The one on the range.
##
Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Right where you left it.
##
Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff.
##
Q. What's blue and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath.
##
A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says "Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"
##
Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud
##
Q: What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
A: Humphreys
##
Q: What do cows do for entertainment?
A: They rent moovies !
##
Q: What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
A: DAMN!
##
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
##
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
A: I have no I-Deer.
##
Q: How do you stop a fish from smelling?
A: Cut its nose off.
##
Q: What is invisable and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit farts.
##
Q: Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
A: He was charged with battery.
##
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan. 
##
Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut?
A: The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard.
##
Q: What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A: Quarter pounder with cheese!
##
Q: Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
A: Because he was caught with seaweed.
##
Q: What did the ghost say to the bee?
A: Boo bee.
##
Q: How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
A: Give the bitch a shovel.
##
Q: What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
A: He smashed his his nose.
##
Q:Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
A: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. - Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
##
Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
##
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks "What are you dressed as?" He says a fireman! You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.
##
A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said "I've got some cream for that."
##
Q: If your donkey ate my rooster, what would you have?
A: 2 ft. of my cock in your ass.
##
Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
##
Q: Why are men like cars?
A: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
##
On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey"
##
Q: What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A: A Stick.
##
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
##
Q: What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
##
Q: What Do You Call Four Bullfighters in Quicksand?
A: Quatro Sinko.
##
Q: What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
A: Spoiled Milk. 
##
Q: What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A: A Nervous Wreck.
##
Q: Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
A: Because They Have Big Fingers.
##
Q: What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
A: Sanka.
##
Q: What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And  A Bad Skydiver? 
A: Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!  A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang!  Whack.
##
Q: How's A Texas Tornado And An Alabama Divorce The Same? 
A: Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer